“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”-Og Mandino (Dear Mom)

If this place has taught me anything it has taught me to appreciate the things you have around you. Whether that be fresh fruit and vegetables, days that you don’t have to wear a coat to go outside, or maybe even just a chance to really sit and enjoy a sunrise or sunset…All of those things became very scarce when I arrived here. Going outside without a coat on is far from realistic, the freshies are running low (soon to be a thing of the past) and up until a few weeks ago I hadn’t seen much of the sun let alone watching it rise and set. I did, however see the first sunrise of the season…the sun rose on August 19^th at 12:26pm and set shortly after at exactly 1:30pm…PHENOMENAL might I add…

There is also something to be said for watching the appreciation of others as they experience these things along side you, some of which who have been without fresh food and sun light for upwards of 5 months (winterovers). Their unadulterated appreciation for what most of us take for granted on a daily basis would put most of the world to shame. Even the most deprived of us still view the sun as an ordinary, everyday, unremarkable thing. But here, on more than one occasion I witnessed people gathering, sharing in  blank stares towards the horizon in hopes that today will be the day that it peeks over the mountains. What an amazing example for all of us to live by, to appreciate the simplest things in life…the everyday things.

Weeks have passed now, and the days are noticeably getting longer and the nights are all too quickly getting shorter. I’m sure that my information is not completely correct but the rumor is that we gain between 20 and 40 minutes of light a day which will inevitably leave us with no more night sky, no more sunrises, and no more sunsets…at least not while I’m here. So as I have very quickly realized from the winterovers, now is my chance to appreciate the things that I love the most, the things that I will likely miss the most…the stars, the darkness, the silence, the peace that comes from twilight, the absolution that comes from the blackness before dawn. My time to enjoy it will be short, the last sunset is scheduled for October 23 but they say that the stars stop showing themselves long before that… time to soak up the moon.

(I have heard nothing but amazing things about the night sky in Antarctica. One seasoned veteran informed me that the night sky alone would make the long and ruthless 8-month winter season worth braving. It would seem that between the Auroras, pulsars, and the Milky Way in HD, it would be hard to go outside and not look up. But just as the rest of us take the sun for granted I would imagine that it would be easy to very quickly take the 24 hrs of a night sky for granted as well.)

Even though McMurdo is small compared to what most people consider a “town” it still produces enough light to muffle what the universe has to offer, so the only way to see it in all of its glory, and to possibly catch a glimpse of the legendary auroras, you have to take a field trip. Everyone seems to have a different place that they recommend; I chose the road to Scott Base. There is a bend in the road about half way to the Kiwi base that falls just far enough behind the terrain that all of the ambient light is washed away by pure darkness.

I couldn’t have asked for a better way to start the experience than to see an Aurora, and while it was very dim and lasted only a few moments, I saw one perched just above Scott Base. After days and days of walking outside in hopes of catching one, I finally see one just as I come around the last corner before my destination and just in time. I really do wish that I could attest to the beauty that everyone else claims to see when the Auroras arrive, and while I have no doubt that it is completely true, this Aurora was unfortunately a little too dim for me to maintain or confirm this suggestion. My wonder came more from the fact that I had witnessed it… Aurora Australis: seen it!! The real wonder actually came more in the form of chance than anything else. I sat down on the side of the road at the top of a very steep drop off looking out over what I knew was ice, but at the moment it was very hard to decipher where the gray of the ice stopped and the gray that was the horizon started. Exhausted from the enigma of white in front of me, and still catching my breath from the hike, I collapsed backwards determined to feel some sort of rest. What spanned out in front of me was quite possibly the most amazing thing that I have ever seen in my life. A black that would be impossible to match and the brightest of bright stars hanging from the ceiling of space…so bright, so clear that the twinkling of the stars could actually be seen. So clear that you can see the sky move. Its alive with traveling satellites, shooting stars, and what I’m CONVINCED had to be a UFO or two. The Milky Way rolls out over the sky as if God himself spilt a glass of milk…this glass of milk however, was worth crying over, and while they would absolutely be tears of joy, a sight like this could conjure up tears from even the most bitter of humans.

Perfection and bliss…its so easy to appreciate, if for no other reason than the lack of familiarity. There is something to be said for looking up into a night sky with absolutely no preconceived notion of what you will see. There is no Northern star here…no Big Dipper, no little dipper, no Orion’s Belt. After 24 years on this planet I looked up into a night sky that was completely new and completely foreign. And even though I don’t remember it, I can’t help but feel that this is what it was like the first time I consciously looked to the sky as a child…brand new, peaceful, silent…

It is a statement I have often heard and often neglected to consider until now…but the silence really can be loud. And the silence here is deafening and amazing and forces a sense of peace. It insists, compellingly, that there is nothing in this world more important than what goes on inside your own head and your own heart, because at this moment there is nothing else in the world to be heard but your own desires and doubts…the world is instantly put into perspective and you suddenly realize that the insignificant worries you may have had today are irrelevant when it comes to the “big picture”. You recognize, for quite possibly the first time in your life what “forever” really means and how unimportant yesterday has become, and how promising tomorrow can really be. My family has told me for as long as I can remember that the possibilities are endless, but I could never really wrap my head around the scope of “endless” until right now. As I lied in the snow it occurred to me that if I recall correctly and depending on the dictionary that you are sighting, “Space” has many definitions. Among the definitions are two that seem to pertain so perfectly to this moment. One involves space being the region beyond earth that contains all celestial bodies (the concrete definition) and the other, slightly more abstract, refers to a persons freedom to assert a personal identity and fulfill personal needs. What do ya know, here I sit, captivated by this region beyond earth, and it is here that I have found my own personal “space”. I have lived through many things that I have always felt are a part of who I have become, but it these moments that I am convinced will start to define the person that I am. The ultimate self-discovery…

It is also in these moments that I so vividly remember the days that my amazing mother and I would lie under trees and stare up at its branches, and its leaves, and the blue skies that would manage to find their way through the clouds. Those have been some of the most peaceful moments in my life…and those are the moments that I would return to when the superficial turmoils of everyday life could sometimes seem too much to handle. My mother taught me how to recognize tranquility and the beauty in the stillness. I grew up watching my mother battle what sometimes seemed like the wickedest of battles with the most resonating semblance of calm and peace. She has been my rock for so long, my angel, and an amazing teacher. If only my mother could see this now…the ultimate of “happy places”. I think this moment will quite possibly be a reference point for me from here to the end of my time. Every bad day, pity party, and frustration will be answered with this memory. Because there is no way that a recollection of a sight like this could ever end in anything but a positive resolution. A lifetime of positive resolutions…what a wonderful life…and I owe it to her…

Thank you so much momma for teaching me to recognize the simplest of pleasures in life… I love you, I miss you, I’ll be home before you know it.

Photo Courtesy David Stylianou (Castle Rock)